Just a word of advice

Case of the Holiday Blues

I've been in a holiday funk, and I can't seem to get out of it. Reasons not necessarily unknown but not entirely concrete either. Relatively speaking I think I've got it pretty good & I'm at a good place in my life right now - however it's only inevitable during the holidays to also think about what you've been missing out on as you reflect on everything that's transpired this past year & the things you're thankful for.

I'm usually good at focusing on the brighter side of things, but I will allow myself to emo-it-out just once in this post. It's gotta come out sometime. With that being said:

-I feel like I let people step over me too much. I've always accepted the fact that sometimes I'm "too nice" but I'm going to grow a bigger backbone ffs. Not going to blame anyone but myself for this one though.

-Lately I haven't been able to do my own thing or call my own shots without someone acting as an obstacle to my independence.

-Experienced losing someone close to me really for the first time this year.

-People I thought I could always rely on & would have my back... some of them proved me wrong. I already have a tough time trusting people. Bummer.

-To put it in the most pathetic terms possible, sometimes it's like feeling lonely without actually being alone.

This could be due to a lot of things. Leaving the college life behind and finally putting it behind me. Work schedule, less free time, including not being on vacation anymore while everyone else is. Nagging family members that make it seem like it's never enough. Just realizing your relationships with some "friends" aren't what they used to be.

But enough of that! Definitely not going to feel sorry for myself, especially going into the New Year. This year has had its shortcomings but like I said, there are many things to be thankful for. I just needed to get some things off my chest to release this negativity and am now leaving it behind with 2009. I'm ready for 2010.

Oh yeah, and as some of you know I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions. So don't be fooled :]

Happy 7 Years Rawfreaky

We did it!

A random thoughts post

-It's tough for me to believe that this year is almost over. Every year people always say "this year's gone by so fast!" but lemme tell you, that's the damn truth for 2009 - for me anyways. About a year ago I was studying for my physiology and dev & cell bio finals, getting ready to go to Vegas with 198 & co. and now I'm going into my fourth month working fulltime. I feel like that was eons ago, then there's the mountain of stuff that happened in between...

-No "what I've learned this past year" post from me. But what I will say is that this year was the closest I've been to experiencing the full spectrum of human emotion. The wave of feelings that I've dealt with these past few months alone was so...cornucopian? Am I even using that right? Doesn't really help that I'm not even sure about what I'm trying to say.

-I've felt this surge of whining and "life sucks" attitudes from a good amount of people for a while now. Maybe that's what I get from following all these people on twitter. Or it could just be a reflection of the state of our country right now (raised tuition, unemployment, etc.). But wow, you gotta shake that negativity off peeps. That's one thing I've had on replay in my head. I'm sure there's good things aplenty you can smile about during your day to offset some petty annoyance that you're just going to forget about the next day. Don't wait for a drastic event remind you of how much you need to enjoy what you have because it can all be gone in a flicker.

-When I was 16 or 17 I would constantly overthink about how different my life would be five years ahead. Here I am, almost 23, still doing the same thing. All of those shoulda, coulda, woulda's. The paths not taken, the ones you wish were available to you, deciding on your next move. I wonder if people still think this way when they're like 90 or if it never really goes away.

-Despite all that, I am in a very happy state. I really am.