Lessons Learned

I was so excited to finally hit good ol' summer once I finished finals, and for the most part, I was just happy to get some down time without having to think about studying for my next quiz or what I'm going to write about for my next paper. To be honest, I was just soo over school and wanted to give my brain a rest. But surprisingly, with so much time in my hands at the apartment, driving to and fro SD/Irvine, or even sitting at my desk at work for 7 hours everyday, I've just been thinking away 24/7 about life in general. I've been able to nitpick and analyze so many issues that I couldn't really wrap my brain around while trying to juggle school and work, and right now I feel like things are so much clearer to me than ever before. Who knew I would be able to learn so much this summer season? You won't believe all the little things that you realize when the time seems to pass slower and the days are longer.

First of all, I've realized that definitely not the same person I was a couple years ago, more beliefs/perspectives-wise than anything else. Even reading back to my xanga from 2 years ago seems completely foreign to me. I've really changed my outlooks on various aspects of life, from relationships, true friends, my future, priorities, ideals, and almost everything else under the sun. I think I've adopted a more "It is what it is" motto for life at the moment, going from a somewhat naive way of thinking to a more realistic one; life will throw you some serious curveballs (as I've learned myself as well as talking to some good friends this past month) and sometimes there's really nothing you can do about it except to make the best of it. I see now that some things you perceived as perfect before can come crashing down any second and that some things don't last forever, no matter how much you feel it should be otherwise. I don't want it to sound like I'm more accepting of those downs you experience in life or like I'm not as hopeful, because honestly I think it has only made me more appreciative of the "now", with me making more of an effort to not take anything for granted. I'm trying to avoid not knowing what I've got until it's gone.

Although I make the drive from Irvine to San Diego weekly, my most recent trip kind of solidified this new perspective. Two summers ago, I got into this bad car accident on the 5 after I did a 360 on the freeway and finally hit a side of a hill on the right side of the road. This time, I really paid attention to the area where it happened (right before the Manchester exit) and noticed that not even 50 meters before that was a view point - only 2 flimsy fences separate you from the fall off the freeway, and if I had spun out a few seconds before I did, who knows what the outcome would have been... The point I'm trying to get to is that I always used to think of "what ifs" in my life whenever I would feel empty at times or wished for something more. Now when those cross my mind, I try to focus on all the blessings in my life and realize how lucky I am just to be right here, right now. I'm not trying to make this post seem self-serving, but these are just some thoughts in my head that I want to put out there while they're still clear.

A little off topic but something that really makes my day is when the things I post about are actually relevant to life! Haha. Lately I've been having conversations with people or events happen and I would just think "Wow I blogged about that" or "Hmm must have read my post" lol - it's nice to know that the things that go through my head aren't so pointless after all (Soulmates, shmoulmates or They Say You Want a Revolution are 2 posts that come to mind, particularly the balance issue mentioned in the latter).

Even though I haven't done anything that exciting yet this summer, it's been great for me so far. Hopefully by the end of September I'll have more answers to life's questions, or better yet have more questions to challenge myself with.