"40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and Relationships"

I'm not really someone to search for relationship/dating advice (especially on teh interwebs, that's what friends are for), but I do like to read advice columns for fun, even stupid stuff like Cosmo & their "tips" that they recycle.

Seriously though, "your va-jay-jay"?

Sometimes I'll even give my own take on these matters. But recently, I stumbled across an article that I thought had a good amount of truth to it, although there were a few points I had to question myself. I'm only going to post up a few that caught my eye but here's the entire article if you feel compelled to read on.

Most women learn about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way. They walk down the highly traveled, worn out path of emotional scars, broken hearts, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights. When it comes to learning the hard way, you can get to know a great deal about men, love, sex and relationships, but most women who have traveled that path will tell you, “The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth.

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

P.S. There is a male version of the article as well, and I found it interesting how much more succinct and to-the-point the advice was. Figures.

"But he's a nice guy!"

Now don't get me wrong, I love me some nice guys. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. They make great friends (I know, something nice guys hate hearing. But it's true!). And if I was single, I would probably take the nice guy next door any day over the quintessential bad boy - that is, if I had to choose and had no option of the perfect mix between the two, cuz y'all know me & my thing with balance.

Although some bad boys make it hard for a girl to choose...

However, I CAN'T stand it when dudes pull the "nice guy" card as if it cancels out other shortcomings, or even worse, when other people do it for that person. Being a nice guy does not automatically exempt you from other douche tendencies. There are many everyday examples of this curious dichotomy of likable & loser.

See:

_The holier-than-thou guy whose preachiness is off the charts. You never feel like you're having a conversation "with" him because it always seems like he's talking "at" you about some shiet he thinks you could learn from. But he's a nice guy!

_The dude whose "Do-I-Sound-Like-An-Asshole-Right-Now?" awareness meter seems to be broken 24/7. One too many snarky comments here and there. But I'm sure he never means it, because he's a nice guy!

_Not the ego-inflated jerk, but rather the one whose self-deprecation is just too much to deal with. We all do it, but you know the guy that never stops? But he's a nice guy!

_The bigot. Self-explanatory. But he's a nice guy??

Take home message of the day: I still have love for nice guys! Just remember that it isn't some disguise or excuse to engage in some dickish behaviors.

Now go forth, and sin no more.

Fellas, Answer Me This

So I was talking to one of my girl friends about guys that aren't afraid to use a little dinero to catch a girl's attention. Even though my friend consistently turns down his advances and makes it fully obvious that she's not into him, the offers keep coming - and I'm talking not just talking about the occasional dinner here and there, I mean gym memberships, theme park tickets, no joke.

But let's take the most simple and common example - you're at the bar and a guy offers to buy you a drink. If accepted, does the guy automatically think that the female is interested? It's hard for me to tell, since this is a pretty common occurrence in any given bar or club anyways. Since the very first time I've been offered, not once have I accepted, usually saying something just like "No thank you" or "It's cool, I've got it covered already" - I just don't want to lead the guy on at all even just a little bit and I've always thought that taking that drink would seem like I owe him something, even if it's just a 5 minute obligatory conversation. If I do sense that situation coming up, I'll usually go out of my way to escape it somehow just to avoid the awkward exchange.

Then at other times, I just feel like "Eh fuck it, it's just a drink and nothing more...right?". Cuz I mean damn, if it's a free drink and just a way for a guy to tell you he thinks you're cute, why not? I've even worn my ring on the wrong finger (hence been asked if I'm married) but that doesn't function as much of a deterrent. I guess the dilemma here is whether or not accepting the offer when you already know there's no way this guy is getting with you is either a shady move or not a big deal at all. The point of this post for me is more for trying to understand a guy's POV for these situations rather than trying to justify scoring free drinks from random dudes, even if it will work in my favor haha. But really, I'm not trying to get Raf mad or anything, shit.

So boys - thoughts? I feel like I overthink things too much...

Dear Disney,

I was right there with you during the Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair fiasco. You reprimanded her for a photoshoot which was inappropriate for someone her age and with her being in the spotlight with so much influence over your viewers (or more importantly, being one of your most important cash cows), you made sure she would make better decisions to uphold her image as a "role model".

An even older example of Disney starlets gone wild is the BBV scandal, which I'm sure I don't really need to say much about. But you didn't really say anything about that, and at the time I thought I could let this slide as well.

So I was really surprised to hear that you play the new Jesse McCartney video on your channel. Haha, Jesse McCartney, harmless right?



First of all, one of the opening shots is of the girl in the video with her pants already unbuttoned. Then there's the laying on top of each other on the bed, untying of the bra, fooling around in the back of the car, the obvious sexual tension throughout the entire video...

If you're going to give Miley Cyrus shit about her pictures (I'm not even a huge fan of her), then at least don't half ass it and actually impose your "wholesome only" policy to everything else on the network. I don't think of myself as a prude and hell I even like the song - in a guilty pleasure sorta way of course - and I don't have a problem with the video, but I do have a problem with it playing on your channel if you're going to be a hypocrite about it.

Sometimes I think trying to shove this wholesome image down our throats just backfires. Take for example Disney stars such as the Jonas Brothers and Selena Gomez openly talking about their purity rings and how they are saving themselves for marriage. I think if you want to wait until marriage to have sex, than by all means go for it, props to you for standing by your beliefs. But to have 12 year olds make a purity pledge and talk about it in public? First of all, no 12-year old needs to be thinking about this sort of stuff anyways. Making a 12-year old promise on a decision about an issue they don't even really know about doesn't make sense to me. Second of all, especially if you're a pre-teen, no one needs to know your business about your sex/lack-of-it life. Making your stars talk about such issues only sexualizes them more in my eyes. But whatever, it's as if it's in your guys' contract to say this stuff.

No love,
Me

Wifey Skills According to Him

I knew I was going to have some strong sentiments when I came across another article on Yahoo that caught my eye - "What Keeps a Man Crazy in Love". I thought hmmm what other things can people come up with for women to do to please their man... and the genuises at Redbook provided many entertaining but WTF? ways (at least I think) for a woman to blow her man away with her "wonderfulness". But the weird thing is I read the article as if some of my own friends came up with the list because these are things they would totally come up with. Very. Typical. Guy. Things. Such as:

1. Play poker. ->Or any type of video game really would fit in this category as well.
Why: So you can socialize his way for a change.

2. Give the perfect backrub.
Why: Because there's more than one way to make a guy moan in complete and utter satisfaction.

3. Tie his tie for him.
Why: Because it's such a sexy, retro, little-wifey move. ->I would totally fail at this one. And I really hate the word wifey for some reason.

4. Make a mean steak.
Why: That hulking slab o'beef appeals to his most manly side.

5. Wake him up in the morning.
Why: So he'll start his day with a smile - at the very least. ->This one is kinda cute I'll admit.

6. Give him a barbershop shave. ->Like Raf would ever let me do this.
Why: He'll get a sexy little thrill from letting you wield all the power while he submits to your capable hands.

7. Strip. ->No waaaaay, really?
Why: Because he really - please, baby, please - wants you to.

8. Have a conversation with his boss.
Why: Because he or she is the adult who, after you, matters most in your husband's daily life. So you want to play it just right.

9. Throw him a super surprise party
Why: Because he'll never forget you made him feel so special.

10. Leave him a sexy voicemail at work. ->This one is just LOLtastic
Why: So he'll have a really compelling reason to get home on time.

11. Quote at least three lines from "The Godfather".
Why: Guys believe the Corleones know what it is to be a man. Yours just wants to know you get it. Capisce?

12. Make heart-melting chocolate-chip cookies.
Why: Because they're the essence of wholesome, and he knows you're not. A potent combination.

13. Kick his style up a notch. ->Now this one I could definitely do.
Why: Initially, for your own pleasure. But then the compliments will start rolling in, and he'll seek out your impeccable advice.

Now some of these I can understand. But I wish they came up with more original ideas. Make a mean steak? Poker? Strip? Thanks Redbook for the enlightenment. Now here's a list of my own of a couple things guys should do to keep her glued to you! I mean this in all seriousness!!

1. Go shopping with her. So you can socialize her way with her girlfriends for a change. And when you go, don't act like you're being dragged along, act happy alright.

2. Give the perfect backrub. For the same reasons as guys obviously.

3. Clean the damn kitchen. I think I would be in perpetual happy mode if I woke up and came home to a clean kitchen everyday. Apparently one of my roommates hates that I clean it so often and claims he/she would cook more if I wasn't so uptight, but I won't name any names because it would be too obvious (it's the sarcastic/bald one).

4. Make her breakfast once in a while. How many guys actually wake up early enough to sit down and eat breakfast, let alone take the time and energy to make it for their woman? It would be a very nice surprise in the morning to make her feel appreciated.

5. Play with her hair. Just because it feels nice.

6. Strip. No double standards here.

7. Plan a spontaneous day/night out. I've noticed that girls are always the ones in the relationship wanting to go out and do something new while the guys are usually just "whatever" about it. It would be a very nice and surprising change for the guys to take some initiative to plan for once.

8. If you know it's going to piss her off, just don't say it. I'm not talking about when you're already in the heat of the argument and already running your mouths off to each other. This applies to guys in general, not just 2 people in a relationship. I'm talking about, you know, common sense stuff. Like not saying "I'll fcking kill you" or "Maybe you're pregnant", which I have both gotten within the past 2 weeks...fcker.

9. Be punctual. Which means no running on Filipino time. There's a problem if a guy takes longer to get ready than his girl.

10. Quote at least three lines from movies such as: The Notebook. Pretty Woman. Terms of Endearment. The Princess Bride. Clueless. Mean Girls. I don't even know if I can quote three lines from each of these movies, but it would sure be impressive if a guy could. It would show that he is down for the chick flick.

11. Put on a suit. Gone are the days when men were dressed with sexy, cool sophistication on the daily. Women like their men dressed sharp once in while. And there's definitely something about a guy in a suit.

The Sexy Post

Like many of the topics of my previous posts, this one is inspired by one of the "Late night at 198" talks that occur on a daily basis. Mel and I had a lot to say about this subject, and suprisingly to me, the guys did too. Anyways, we got into this debate about guys and whether they were deserving of top tier status or not. Criteria for this special classification is rather broad, but for this post I'm going to try to focus on the non-physical characteristics. Chiseled abs and such are a plus of course, but in the scheme of things, that is not what makes a great guy. Plus we watched that Victoria's Secret "What is Sexy 2008" and let me tell you, any program that dubs Tony Romo as the sexiest athlete of the year loses any credility that it might have had in the first place.

So these are some things that I personally think make a guy sexy. Whether you agree with me or not, I will attempt to make a case for each of my designations. Although I have been out of the dating game for quite a while now, I and many other females out there can still appreciate the good ones out there. So for you guys that make our hearts skip a beat and our cheeks blush, this one is for you.

Sexy is:

A guy with respect.
This is one of the top considerations on my list because I don't think there is anything sexier than a guy who knows how to treat his mom/sisters/females in his life with the utmost respect. The notion "the way a man treats his mom is the same way he will treat you" comes off pretty cliche but I would say that it holds true for the most part. To be honest, part of the allure of this type of guy is that it seems like a rarity nowadays. One of the worst things a guy can do is question a girl's character or intelligence simply based on the fact that she is a female. A girl wants to feel connected mentally, emotionally, and physically with a guy at the same level, and I don't think that can happen unless he sees her as an equal. Men and women offer different things to bring to the table, but equal nonetheless.

A guy who has passion in life.
This can be anything from an issue that a man feels strongly about to future plans that he wants to pursue to even a hobby. Guys that are passionate about something tells me that they potentially have the capacity for such things as commitment and dedication. I think it also gives girls hope that if he has this much conviction and puts time and energy about something he holds close to his heart, just imagine what he would do for you.

A guy that is talented.
Similar to being passionate about something and is pretty self-explanatory. Singing, dancing, writing, sports, designing, the arts - there's something sexy about a guy who's good at what he likes to do. Talent is something that really distinguishes one guy from another; it's easy to say "that guy is really nice" or "he's pretty cute", but it helps to set a man apart from the rest by saying "wow not everyone can do what he does". Plus any girl would want to be serenaded with a song from her crush/boyfriend or have a poem written about her - or my personal fave, have your own private dancer ;) . We like watching guys excelling in something, it does something to a girl. Haha, really.

A guy that knows humility goes a long way.
You can have all these great traits that make up a great guy but it goes out the window once arrogance comes in. There is something sexy about a guy that can be smart and talented without feeling the need to tell the whole world about it; being humble shows me that a man is comfortable with himself and does not feel threatened by other men enough to feel like he has to prove something. Confidence is still key as long he isn't trying too hard to convince the world that he is the shit. A guy that exudes quiet, inner confidence without having to say a word is very sexy.

A guy that isn't ashamed to use his mind.
The whole "acting dumb" act is attributed more to a female stereotype but many guys do this too - there are guys out there that think having knowledge about the world is lame and constitutes as "nerdy". Let me tell you, there is nothing nerdy about an intelligent guy. I think it's awesome when a guy has interesting points to say about an issue and have the intelligence and eloquence to back it up, even if i disagree with him. It's even sexier when a guy has the capability to expand my mind to new ideas and concepts. Being intelligent also means just knowing what's up - street smarts. Very few guys "get it" when it comes to how females think. A guy that has book smarts and street smarts is one of a kind.

A guy that can balance being a man and being romantic.
Sometimes a girl just wants her guy to take control, be a man and exhibit his masculinity because, well, it's hot. But some guys let their instincts get the best of them and don't know when to back down, surrender control, and just walk away from a situation. Other times a girl wants a guy to be affectionate and loving and show that he knows how to treat her better than anyone else. In this case, lots of guys can either be too clingy or not into "lovey dovey" stuff at all. A man that knows how to balance both is a great find because he can offer the best of both worlds.

For more insight on related "Late Night at 198" topics, check out our thoughts on relationships and dating on Mel's "Battle of the Sexies"