"Hey, so when are you & Raf finally going to...

...you know."

I get that a lot. Especially now that a few of my friends my age are engaged or really starting to get serious with their significant other. Why am I getting bombarded with all these marriage questions already? In all honesty, I find it really absurd.

A few days ago, a friend of mine posted an article presenting a case against marriage from Newsweek's "Marriage Reconsidered". Without even getting to the article, I think it's pretty telling about folks in our generation that whenever I mention not buying into the idea of marriage, I personally get a lot of "I was just talking about this same exact thing to my friend the other day" or something along those lines. I felt that the article struck a nerve with me because it is relevant & something that's being talked about. And if I need to explain myself one more time when someone tells me "why not get married now?" I might need to smack someone.

In regards to marriage, I just don't think humans are meant to be monogamous. Not saying it can't be done though. Despite how I feel about marriage at the moment, I haven't lost faith in love. But with that being said, I don't feel like love is enough. By itself, I don't think it conquers all either.

/wompwomp

//this post feels unfinished, might add more later

Sometimes

I can't help but wonder if I'd be as strong as I claim to be if this relationship were to end right here, right now. Would I be able to take the advice that I so willingly dish out to others? To be honest I doubt my credibility when it comes to dating and all that relevant shit because I don't know what it feels like to be alone, to not have that safety cushion of knowing the voice on the other side of the line will always answer. In a weird way I almost feel disadvantaged because I've never been forced to toughen my skin after a really bad heartbreak or being fucked over. It'd be naïve of me to think that I will never experience moments like that, I mean the ones that shake you to the core, so for me the longer I wait for the inevitable, the more I'm afraid of it & the accompanying hurt. I'm not saying I'm waiting for a breakup, just something. I'm not sure what.

I like to think of myself as an independent person, a woman fully capable of making her own. But I'd be lying to myself if I said my relationship hasn't had an effect on almost every decision I've made since December 19, 2002. My decisions weren't always in favor of it, but I can at least say the consideration of it has always been there.

I'm not really sure why I even bother with hypotheticals. We're not in some weird funk. Or fighting right now. As a matter of fact, it's great. Awesome. Whenever people ask me how we're doing, I always go with my default answer: "Oh you know, same ol' stuff". Unless you and I engage on some intense one-on-one conversation, I'm not going to tell you how he and I are really doing because privacy is important to me. But I will share one thing with you guys - when things are going well, when you feel that love is operating at its fullest potential...it's just indescribable. It's no second-guessing, euphoric, feel it to the tips of your toes good. Might as well throw in some unicorns and rainbows while I'm at it lol. But really though, in love is where I find strength, inspiration & happiness. And sometimes I just don't want to think about what would become of me if it were to be stripped away.

Cute couples make me gag.

Okay, just kidding. But even after all of the cutesy/cheesy/twee things I've experienced in my own relationship for the past 7 years, there's always those other couples induce the same reaction from me: a little bit rolling my eyes, this weird "agh" sound that I think is a mix of "ughh" and "aww!", followed by a jealous "hmph", all while my mouth is in this weird smile. I guess it's true that love - even that of others - makes you do weird things.

Cute couple example (one of my favorite Hollywood couples):

*sigh/barf*

Inspired by this ONTD post.

Too cute.

Lovers
Originally uploaded by Graça das Graças

Happy 7 Years Rawfreaky

We did it!

"Friends forever, with you everywhere"

So it's been almost a week since we've moved out of 198. It didn't really start to sink in until the last couple of days when I would wake up in my room & not be as excited because I had no roomies to say good morning/afternoon to. And there was the lack of awesome late night snacks that I had grown accustom to, like some moons over my hammy or mini tacos.

But like they say, good things don't last forever, and I feel pretty lucky to have been one of the 198 residents for 3 years. I don't know too many people that can say they lived with the same roommates in the same apartment for as long as we did. Anyways, to remember the happier times and since Mel posted her share of 198 pics, here are some of mine:

Move-in day during the summer

Derek's birthday at Roger's house 2nd year. G's.

My 21st bday. No group pic, but everyone helped pitch in & I had lots of fun, so thanks guys.

Brent Bash during 3rd year.

A 198 Christmas, 3rd year.

Happy 21st Lance!

Doin' Vegas, winter break of last year.

At my graduation <3

Moving out...

I'll keep this short, so I just want to say thanks to Mel, Lance, Brent, & Derek, and to everyone who's ever visited us the past 3 years to make my 198 experience the best that it could have been :]

"What We Talk About When We Talk About Love"

"You guys have been together eighteen months and you love each other. It shows all over you. You glow with it. But you both loved other people before you met each other. You've both been married before, just like us. And you probably loved other people before that too, even. Terri and I have been together five years, been married for four. And the terrible thing, the terrible thing is, but the good thing too, the saving grace, you might say, is that if something happened to one of us - excuse me for saying this - but if something happened to one of us tomorrow I think the other one, would grieve for a while, you know, but then the surviving party would go out and love again, have someone else soon enough. All this, all of this love we're talking about, it would just be a memory. Maybe not even a memory. Am I wrong? Am I way off base? Because I want you to set me straight if you think I'm wrong. I want to know. I mean, I don't know anything, and I'm the first one to admit it."

If you ever get the chance, I recommend checking out this short story by Raymond Carver. I like his work in general, and this was a pretty interesting read about love and relationships. Just wanted to share this excerpt that resonated with me.

Joyride

Trying to get to and from San Diego in such a hurry right after work lately almost made me forget how much I love driving at night so much more. Besides the obvious clearer roadways and avoidance of rush hour stress, night driving to and from San Diego and Irvine just puts me in this certain vibe. The silence on the road allows me for that hour and fifteen minutes to think more clearly about things, along with some KyXy 96.5 in the background - I really can't get myself to listen to anything else during this time. It's also the only time I will belt to the top of my lungs because no one can hear me, and the fact that I can pretty much sing the chorus of every song that comes on - REO Speedwagon, James Ingram, Toto - all the soft rock staples, try me.


On the most recent trip down to SD, I already had that mindset that summer is pretty much over. Although I don't go back to school until the end of the month, everyone else is back to the books. I don't even have anything going on after the Vegas trip this weekend (whoo!) except work, so Sin City seals the deal for me. I'll probably have a more thorough end of summer review in the future but I just wanted to touch on some views of mine that have been steadfast since the beginning of the summer.

Like I mentioned in Lessons Learned, I adopted a more realistic and "It is what it is" perspective towards life at the summer's start. And well, it's the end of the summer and not much has changed. I worked almost everyday since the end of finals and while I wish I could be wallowing in cash right now, this time my parents put more responsibility on me and I had shit to pay for, along with setting goals to save up money for certain things - Raf's Birthday, Vegas trip, etc. Gas, groceries, partial rent, car payments, books for school, and all the everyday essentials add up quicker than you think. Also, my laptop crashed a couple weeks ago, and although that was a bummer, I was super excited to finally get a new laptop - until I realized I would be paying for all of it. A very different story from last summer, when I spent my money about 20 minutes after clocking out every other day. Thank God I'm not working retail anymore.

My new perspective on things also affected the way I handled relationships. For me, it was very easy before to be naive about wants and needs - a very "all you need is love" kinda thing. But I realized it's a lot easier on paper than it is in practice. Sure I didn't want to admit that things like money and job quality and million other issues mattered to me in the end, but when these things come at you and force you to make decisions you needn't had to do before, it can be a very big wake up call. I've come to the conclusion that maybe a relationship really can't survive on love alone, and that mindset was something hard for me to let go. Maybe money and job quality aren't the best examples, but can a real, satisfying, loving relationship survive without faith? Support from your family and friends? Tolerance of each other's differences? I guess in the end even almighty love couldn't escape my theory about everything needing to be in balance.

This summer was full of reality checks, and I think it was what I needed. But summer isn't totally over yet, and what I reallllly need is a real vacation. Vegas post when I return!!

Wifey Skills According to Him

I knew I was going to have some strong sentiments when I came across another article on Yahoo that caught my eye - "What Keeps a Man Crazy in Love". I thought hmmm what other things can people come up with for women to do to please their man... and the genuises at Redbook provided many entertaining but WTF? ways (at least I think) for a woman to blow her man away with her "wonderfulness". But the weird thing is I read the article as if some of my own friends came up with the list because these are things they would totally come up with. Very. Typical. Guy. Things. Such as:

1. Play poker. ->Or any type of video game really would fit in this category as well.
Why: So you can socialize his way for a change.

2. Give the perfect backrub.
Why: Because there's more than one way to make a guy moan in complete and utter satisfaction.

3. Tie his tie for him.
Why: Because it's such a sexy, retro, little-wifey move. ->I would totally fail at this one. And I really hate the word wifey for some reason.

4. Make a mean steak.
Why: That hulking slab o'beef appeals to his most manly side.

5. Wake him up in the morning.
Why: So he'll start his day with a smile - at the very least. ->This one is kinda cute I'll admit.

6. Give him a barbershop shave. ->Like Raf would ever let me do this.
Why: He'll get a sexy little thrill from letting you wield all the power while he submits to your capable hands.

7. Strip. ->No waaaaay, really?
Why: Because he really - please, baby, please - wants you to.

8. Have a conversation with his boss.
Why: Because he or she is the adult who, after you, matters most in your husband's daily life. So you want to play it just right.

9. Throw him a super surprise party
Why: Because he'll never forget you made him feel so special.

10. Leave him a sexy voicemail at work. ->This one is just LOLtastic
Why: So he'll have a really compelling reason to get home on time.

11. Quote at least three lines from "The Godfather".
Why: Guys believe the Corleones know what it is to be a man. Yours just wants to know you get it. Capisce?

12. Make heart-melting chocolate-chip cookies.
Why: Because they're the essence of wholesome, and he knows you're not. A potent combination.

13. Kick his style up a notch. ->Now this one I could definitely do.
Why: Initially, for your own pleasure. But then the compliments will start rolling in, and he'll seek out your impeccable advice.

Now some of these I can understand. But I wish they came up with more original ideas. Make a mean steak? Poker? Strip? Thanks Redbook for the enlightenment. Now here's a list of my own of a couple things guys should do to keep her glued to you! I mean this in all seriousness!!

1. Go shopping with her. So you can socialize her way with her girlfriends for a change. And when you go, don't act like you're being dragged along, act happy alright.

2. Give the perfect backrub. For the same reasons as guys obviously.

3. Clean the damn kitchen. I think I would be in perpetual happy mode if I woke up and came home to a clean kitchen everyday. Apparently one of my roommates hates that I clean it so often and claims he/she would cook more if I wasn't so uptight, but I won't name any names because it would be too obvious (it's the sarcastic/bald one).

4. Make her breakfast once in a while. How many guys actually wake up early enough to sit down and eat breakfast, let alone take the time and energy to make it for their woman? It would be a very nice surprise in the morning to make her feel appreciated.

5. Play with her hair. Just because it feels nice.

6. Strip. No double standards here.

7. Plan a spontaneous day/night out. I've noticed that girls are always the ones in the relationship wanting to go out and do something new while the guys are usually just "whatever" about it. It would be a very nice and surprising change for the guys to take some initiative to plan for once.

8. If you know it's going to piss her off, just don't say it. I'm not talking about when you're already in the heat of the argument and already running your mouths off to each other. This applies to guys in general, not just 2 people in a relationship. I'm talking about, you know, common sense stuff. Like not saying "I'll fcking kill you" or "Maybe you're pregnant", which I have both gotten within the past 2 weeks...fcker.

9. Be punctual. Which means no running on Filipino time. There's a problem if a guy takes longer to get ready than his girl.

10. Quote at least three lines from movies such as: The Notebook. Pretty Woman. Terms of Endearment. The Princess Bride. Clueless. Mean Girls. I don't even know if I can quote three lines from each of these movies, but it would sure be impressive if a guy could. It would show that he is down for the chick flick.

11. Put on a suit. Gone are the days when men were dressed with sexy, cool sophistication on the daily. Women like their men dressed sharp once in while. And there's definitely something about a guy in a suit.