I've been in a holiday funk, and I can't seem to get out of it. Reasons not necessarily unknown but not entirely concrete either. Relatively speaking I think I've got it pretty good & I'm at a good place in my life right now - however it's only inevitable during the holidays to also think about what you've been missing out on as you reflect on everything that's transpired this past year & the things you're thankful for.
I'm usually good at focusing on the brighter side of things, but I will allow myself to emo-it-out just once in this post. It's gotta come out sometime. With that being said:
-I feel like I let people step over me too much. I've always accepted the fact that sometimes I'm "too nice" but I'm going to grow a bigger backbone ffs. Not going to blame anyone but myself for this one though.
-Lately I haven't been able to do my own thing or call my own shots without someone acting as an obstacle to my independence.
-Experienced losing someone close to me really for the first time this year.
-People I thought I could always rely on & would have my back... some of them proved me wrong. I already have a tough time trusting people. Bummer.
-To put it in the most pathetic terms possible, sometimes it's like feeling lonely without actually being alone.
This could be due to a lot of things. Leaving the college life behind and finally putting it behind me. Work schedule, less free time, including not being on vacation anymore while everyone else is. Nagging family members that make it seem like it's never enough. Just realizing your relationships with some "friends" aren't what they used to be.
But enough of that! Definitely not going to feel sorry for myself, especially going into the New Year. This year has had its shortcomings but like I said, there are many things to be thankful for. I just needed to get some things off my chest to release this negativity and am now leaving it behind with 2009. I'm ready for 2010.
Oh yeah, and as some of you know I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions. So don't be fooled :]
