"40 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex and Relationships"

I'm not really someone to search for relationship/dating advice (especially on teh interwebs, that's what friends are for), but I do like to read advice columns for fun, even stupid stuff like Cosmo & their "tips" that they recycle.

Seriously though, "your va-jay-jay"?

Sometimes I'll even give my own take on these matters. But recently, I stumbled across an article that I thought had a good amount of truth to it, although there were a few points I had to question myself. I'm only going to post up a few that caught my eye but here's the entire article if you feel compelled to read on.

Most women learn about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way. They walk down the highly traveled, worn out path of emotional scars, broken hearts, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights. When it comes to learning the hard way, you can get to know a great deal about men, love, sex and relationships, but most women who have traveled that path will tell you, “The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth.

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

P.S. There is a male version of the article as well, and I found it interesting how much more succinct and to-the-point the advice was. Figures.

Deal breakers

Although I've been out of the dating scene for a while now, I'm pretty sure that everyone - myself included - has a list of deal breakers where there is simply no room for compromise for certain issues. You know, those things you find out about someone that make you go from "damn this guy/girl is pretty dope" to "oh, what the - are you serious?". For me now, it's more applicable to new guy friends as opposed to potential suitors, but anyways here are a few of mine that I would enforce if I were single (it will be obvious that some of these are less serious than others but all are important to consider):

_He already has kids.
I have nothing against guys who are trying to balance their lives with the responsibility of being a parent. I'd just rather not deal with the baggage that comes with it. And crazy baby mamas.

_Lil' Wayne is one of his top 5 favorite artists.
That's just...no. The gap in musical tastes - and who knows what else - would be of epic proportions and too great to connect the two of us. As Lance likes to say, "You can't explain bad taste to someone who has it".

_Potent B.O.
Do I need to explain this one? I like getting close and being affectionate, so please don't make me hold my breath everytime you lean in for a kiss.

_History of cheating
People make mistakes and learn from them. But I just don't need something like that always lingering in the back of my mind.

_"Bitches, sluts, hoes, etc." are part of his normal vocabulary.
I have to admit I've met guys who have done this within the first 10 minutes of meeting them. It's amazing how much respect I will lose for a guy when he starts talking about these "ugly, fat bitches" to his friends not too long after the initial "Nice to meet you Kristine".

_Doesn't like sushi
I enjoy my tempura shrimp rolls, plum wine and Japanese restaurants way too much.

_Flaunts their "intelligence" too much
This is for those people who are constantly correcting others and like to state random facts to prove how smart they are. They may also have the tendency to use complicated, long words just for the sake of it when it is totally unnecessary. Just say no to pretentious pricks.

_Does not tip
Not only is it rude, but I hate being embarrassed in public, on top of the second-hand embarassment for the guy. If you don't have money to dish out a decent tip, don't plan on dining out period.

_Annoying myspace/facebook profile pictures
Applicable if the majority of their pictures are: shirtless poses, myspace angles, altered by 2+ effects, shots of their body w/o the face, throwing up too many gang signs, etc. etc. Also known as trying too hard.

Puppy Love

Usually during my lunch break at work I don't have much to do except check my e-mail/myspace for 5 minutes, then for the other 40 minutes read mindless yet entertaining stories on ONTD. One of the entries I remember from last week was about Miley Cyrus (I speak of her on this blog way too much) and confessions about her first "real love(?)".

On how they got together: "We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met...He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, 'I think you're beautiful and I really like you.' And I was like, 'Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.'"

On the ups and downs: "Nick and I loved each other...We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn't fun."

On the heartbreak: "At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights – and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now – I don't want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I've got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am."

I couldn't help but LOL as I read this from start to finish, and I really hate the fact that I'm using a Hannah Montana personal life story to segue into my topic for today, but it totally just reminded me of how freaking serious pre-teen/middle school crushes seemed to be back in the day. Like, deathly serious for some people. I might be laughing now at what Miley and the typical 14-year old has to say about being in love, but I didn't have anything more meaningful to say back then either.

One particular event I remember is from 4th or 5th grade during a game of dodgeball at recess. The boy I had a crush on at the time was playing with us, and my friends decided to take it upon themselves to make my feelings for him a little obvious. I don't exactly remember what was said, but back then I was super sensitive about boys and just having them knowing whether I liked them or not - all I remember was my face turning really hot and everyone laughing at me, including him! I'm sure it was nothing to them, but I was so mortified that I just ran to the bathroom and cried.

I was so mad at my friends that I wouldn't open the door when they were trying to talk to me from outside the stall, so they had to crawl under to finally get to me. I didn't let my tantrum die down until the bell rang and I cooled off back in my seat (giving my friends the cold shoulder of course), but that whole dodgeball debacle was pretty much forgotten within days. I ended up being good friends with that particular boy and looking back, the only thing I wish I could have changed was the way I embarrassed myself. Oh the good ol' days.

Then there was my first boyfriend, Boy #1, in middle school. I liked him pretty much throughout all of 6th grade since he was in most of my classes. When 7th grade started, I was still crushing on him, but he moved towards the middle of my "list" and I actually started liking one of his friends, Boy #2. Boy #2 and I pretty much became best friends that year, which meant we would talk everyday after school and he would tell me his girl situations then ask for my advice - story of my life until sophomore year.

Anyways, towards the end of 7th grade, I started hearing that Boy #1 actually started taking notice of me. Of course, I did the most logical thing (yeah right) and started crushing hard again on Boy #1 only because I heard he liked me, and pretty much ignored my feelings for Boy #2. The next most logical thing to do of course was for Boy #1 to ask me out to be his girlfriend the day before school ended. There were a lot of reasons why that situation only lasted a month - couldn't drive yet, didn't live close enough to walk, didn't have the same circle of friends, strict parentals - and I was devastated for the rest of the summer. The most embarrassing thing is crying over him even before we broke up when he told me he was moving away the next year. All I had at the time was my pillow to cry on and Monica's "Angel of Mine" on repeat, how pathetic.

So that was part of my love-life story before high school. Anyone else care to share?

P.S. I LOVE THE OLYMPICS! I didn't do much this weekend but this totally made up for it.

Fellas, Answer Me This

So I was talking to one of my girl friends about guys that aren't afraid to use a little dinero to catch a girl's attention. Even though my friend consistently turns down his advances and makes it fully obvious that she's not into him, the offers keep coming - and I'm talking not just talking about the occasional dinner here and there, I mean gym memberships, theme park tickets, no joke.

But let's take the most simple and common example - you're at the bar and a guy offers to buy you a drink. If accepted, does the guy automatically think that the female is interested? It's hard for me to tell, since this is a pretty common occurrence in any given bar or club anyways. Since the very first time I've been offered, not once have I accepted, usually saying something just like "No thank you" or "It's cool, I've got it covered already" - I just don't want to lead the guy on at all even just a little bit and I've always thought that taking that drink would seem like I owe him something, even if it's just a 5 minute obligatory conversation. If I do sense that situation coming up, I'll usually go out of my way to escape it somehow just to avoid the awkward exchange.

Then at other times, I just feel like "Eh fuck it, it's just a drink and nothing more...right?". Cuz I mean damn, if it's a free drink and just a way for a guy to tell you he thinks you're cute, why not? I've even worn my ring on the wrong finger (hence been asked if I'm married) but that doesn't function as much of a deterrent. I guess the dilemma here is whether or not accepting the offer when you already know there's no way this guy is getting with you is either a shady move or not a big deal at all. The point of this post for me is more for trying to understand a guy's POV for these situations rather than trying to justify scoring free drinks from random dudes, even if it will work in my favor haha. But really, I'm not trying to get Raf mad or anything, shit.

So boys - thoughts? I feel like I overthink things too much...

Soulmates, shmoulmates

The weekend before finals I was lucky enough to witness Will & Cynthia Adan tie the knot in a beautiful wedding ceremony. After about 7 years of being together, they finally got married, and anyone that knows Will & Cynch definitely sees them as one of those couples that gives hope that true love really does exist in this world. Again, congrats to the newlyweds and I wish only the best of luck in the future!

I wanted to start this blog this way because we can all relate when I say there are those couples we look at and automatically think "that's what soulmates are". Although I'm not denying the fact that people may end up with their "soulmate" in the end, I really hate the idea of how your supposed to meet your soulmate and determine whether they are or not in fixed period of time - in all honesty, I think it's when people get into relationships and have that mentality that problems start to arise real fast.

A couple weeks ago at work I was listening to this radio segment about a woman who is married but felt that she had met her soulmate in one of her previous relationships. Basically she was saying that she felt terrible that she let her soulmate go, and by marrying her husband, she was only "settling for less". She was contemplating whether to leave her husband or not so she could be reunited with her former love. What the hell woman. Why do people feel the need to put these labels on someone, it (unnecessarily) makes things more complicated. If this woman didn't think in this "we're meant to be" mentality, she wouldn't have even put herself in this situation. She just needs to get that idea out of her head and maybe spend some time putting effort into her marriage? I don't know, that idea is just too out there for some people I guess. This woman also wasn't ready for marriage in my opinion, but that marriage rant would require another post...

That being said, I still believe in soulmates. The thing is, I don't believe that you meet this person and predetermine "soulmate or not soulmate" in a certain amount of time, even a couple years seems too short to me. To me someone has to become your soulmate, and I think that's something that people always tend to forget; relationships aren't just a given, you have to actually put some hard work and effort into it - the real ones aren't made of the fluffy bullshit they feed you in the movies. I don't even think someone deserves to be called your soulmate until you've been to hell and back with this person and in the end, they are still there and love you the way you are, flaws and all.

Another thing is that I don't think people should have intentions of finding Mr./Mrs. Right when they are only beginning to talk to someone. People have such high expectations of what the right person should be, of course everyone they meet is going to fall short. It's totally fine to talk to someone and enjoy their company just for the hell of it. Remember, it is what it is.

/end soulmate&relationship wank

P.S. Sometimes I'm not sure whether being in a long relationship either makes me really knowledgeable about this stuff or completely clueless. I've experienced so many aspects of relationships with Raf , but when it comes to the actual dating scene I'm like a fish out of water...

Wifey Skills According to Him

I knew I was going to have some strong sentiments when I came across another article on Yahoo that caught my eye - "What Keeps a Man Crazy in Love". I thought hmmm what other things can people come up with for women to do to please their man... and the genuises at Redbook provided many entertaining but WTF? ways (at least I think) for a woman to blow her man away with her "wonderfulness". But the weird thing is I read the article as if some of my own friends came up with the list because these are things they would totally come up with. Very. Typical. Guy. Things. Such as:

1. Play poker. ->Or any type of video game really would fit in this category as well.
Why: So you can socialize his way for a change.

2. Give the perfect backrub.
Why: Because there's more than one way to make a guy moan in complete and utter satisfaction.

3. Tie his tie for him.
Why: Because it's such a sexy, retro, little-wifey move. ->I would totally fail at this one. And I really hate the word wifey for some reason.

4. Make a mean steak.
Why: That hulking slab o'beef appeals to his most manly side.

5. Wake him up in the morning.
Why: So he'll start his day with a smile - at the very least. ->This one is kinda cute I'll admit.

6. Give him a barbershop shave. ->Like Raf would ever let me do this.
Why: He'll get a sexy little thrill from letting you wield all the power while he submits to your capable hands.

7. Strip. ->No waaaaay, really?
Why: Because he really - please, baby, please - wants you to.

8. Have a conversation with his boss.
Why: Because he or she is the adult who, after you, matters most in your husband's daily life. So you want to play it just right.

9. Throw him a super surprise party
Why: Because he'll never forget you made him feel so special.

10. Leave him a sexy voicemail at work. ->This one is just LOLtastic
Why: So he'll have a really compelling reason to get home on time.

11. Quote at least three lines from "The Godfather".
Why: Guys believe the Corleones know what it is to be a man. Yours just wants to know you get it. Capisce?

12. Make heart-melting chocolate-chip cookies.
Why: Because they're the essence of wholesome, and he knows you're not. A potent combination.

13. Kick his style up a notch. ->Now this one I could definitely do.
Why: Initially, for your own pleasure. But then the compliments will start rolling in, and he'll seek out your impeccable advice.

Now some of these I can understand. But I wish they came up with more original ideas. Make a mean steak? Poker? Strip? Thanks Redbook for the enlightenment. Now here's a list of my own of a couple things guys should do to keep her glued to you! I mean this in all seriousness!!

1. Go shopping with her. So you can socialize her way with her girlfriends for a change. And when you go, don't act like you're being dragged along, act happy alright.

2. Give the perfect backrub. For the same reasons as guys obviously.

3. Clean the damn kitchen. I think I would be in perpetual happy mode if I woke up and came home to a clean kitchen everyday. Apparently one of my roommates hates that I clean it so often and claims he/she would cook more if I wasn't so uptight, but I won't name any names because it would be too obvious (it's the sarcastic/bald one).

4. Make her breakfast once in a while. How many guys actually wake up early enough to sit down and eat breakfast, let alone take the time and energy to make it for their woman? It would be a very nice surprise in the morning to make her feel appreciated.

5. Play with her hair. Just because it feels nice.

6. Strip. No double standards here.

7. Plan a spontaneous day/night out. I've noticed that girls are always the ones in the relationship wanting to go out and do something new while the guys are usually just "whatever" about it. It would be a very nice and surprising change for the guys to take some initiative to plan for once.

8. If you know it's going to piss her off, just don't say it. I'm not talking about when you're already in the heat of the argument and already running your mouths off to each other. This applies to guys in general, not just 2 people in a relationship. I'm talking about, you know, common sense stuff. Like not saying "I'll fcking kill you" or "Maybe you're pregnant", which I have both gotten within the past 2 weeks...fcker.

9. Be punctual. Which means no running on Filipino time. There's a problem if a guy takes longer to get ready than his girl.

10. Quote at least three lines from movies such as: The Notebook. Pretty Woman. Terms of Endearment. The Princess Bride. Clueless. Mean Girls. I don't even know if I can quote three lines from each of these movies, but it would sure be impressive if a guy could. It would show that he is down for the chick flick.

11. Put on a suit. Gone are the days when men were dressed with sexy, cool sophistication on the daily. Women like their men dressed sharp once in while. And there's definitely something about a guy in a suit.

Lauren Conrad is a dumbass

Someone needs to explain to me why I enjoy watching the Hills because I know for a fact it is mindless television but I'm hooked anyways blech. So there has been a good amount of Hills news lately as a way to remind everyone that the series is returning next Monday. Here is the latest Us Weekly cover story about Lauren Conrad aka "LC" :

The scoop about the "betrayals" is that a couple days after LC left for Paris for Teen Vogue related stuff, on-again off-again guy friend Brody comes out publicly about his relationship with a new girl. Big whoop. As for Audrina, LC's best friend/roommate, I guess LC is pissed at her for patching up her friendship with LC's ex-best friend Heidi (you guys follow me?). LC, you are not in high school any more, get over the drama. Maybe you feel like all your friends "betray" you because you're so fcking boring and surround yourself with attention whores that are riding on your coattails of "fame". LOL at college-age women who still say "you're not allowed to be friends with her because we have drama that never really involved you in the first place".

What makes it even more irritating are LC's latest comments about dating and "bad boys" on the Ryan Seacrest show:

"Why don't you like sweet guys?" Ryan Seacrest asked the Hills star on his show this morning.

"They're not as fun!" Conrad, 22, admitted. Pal Lauren "Lo" Bosworth agreed, noting, "Sweet boys can be, like, filler."

Conrad says she's "easily bored" and dating is all "about the chase."

"You want the game to be played," Conrad, 22, says. "You don't want to have a great time and him to call you right after!"

"It's weak to text," Conrad adds.

Seacrest, who said Conrad is "tragic in [the dating] department," asked, "What's with you and falling for these guys?"

Conrad replied, "I have no idea!"

No wonder so many guys are confused! Any girl insinuating that she likes games to be played and that sweet guys are boring needs to be shot. LC complains about being hurt in relationships, then talks about how she goes for the guys that treat you like shit. A+ girlfriend.

At least Spencer and Heidi are funny in their lame attempts at attention.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

To flirt or not to flirt

Usually, the myriad of featured relationship or dating articles that appear across the top of Yahoo! or MSN aren't intriguing enough for me to move my hand even an inch and click on the link. Either that or I know that I can't possibly gain anything from reading them except some slight sense of confusion. Take for example "Seduction Dos & Don'ts" from Carmen Electra. Or "Dating a 'Crazy Cat Lady' ". Better yet "Good Man. Bad Shoes". I think I've made my point. But recently I came across this article that actually sparked a little bit of interest for me -

Why Flirting Can Help Your Relationship.

Before I go off on my usual rant, to be fair here are a couple reasons why the author believes this to be true:

Flirting Gives You Confidence
What flirting allows you to do is feel like you're impressing another person and being attractive to another person - without the baggage, stigma, and pressures of the next step. Bringing that sexual and romantic confidence back to your relationship helps you - and strengthens the relationship across the board.

Flirting Keeps You Sharp
Every once in a while, flirting can reinforce that primitive need of feeling valued. And that little innocent dialogue with some stranger in a bookstore may be all the kick-start you need to lose a little weight or change up your hair or whatever it is that you want to do to make yourself feel better about yourself. Which has benefits for everyone involved.

Flirting Lets You Build Up Sexual Energy
Some shrinks say it's OK to fantasize about anyone you want and build up a head of steam - as long as you, well, go ahead then and release that pent up energy with your partner.

Flirting Reminds You How Good You Have It
The fun of flirting is that there are no strings attached. Just some good ole banter with jokes, laughs, and some well-timed sexual innuendo. Fun at first. But when you think of the long process that comes after, it makes you realize that what you've got at home is exactly what you want.

The most probable reason why I felt compelled to read this story was because my first instincts were "OH HELL NO". In all honesty, who gives their significant partner a free flirting pass? I sure as hell don't know anyone. I mean I understand flirting when it just sorta just happens because you're being nice to someone and whatever; I'm taking about the cases where it's totally unintended. But I can't grasp the idea of purposely going out and flirting with people so that you feel better...about your relationship? Can anyone try to convince me otherwise?

The author does have some validity in his points, but overall I sense a recipe for disaster. Someone who is used to flirting without feeling guilty at all will be less likely to see the repercussions from doing this habitually. Each time it happens it's another potential disaster in the making. Why intentionally open your relationship to something that could break it apart? Friendly small talk - we all know how it starts...

Even if you trust your partner 100% and there's no way that they would ever do anything to jeopardize things, there's always the person on the other end. You may have no intention of furthering the conversation into anything more than some laughs and casual chit chat, but the other person doesn't know that. Sending mixed signals in any situation to any person almost always complicates things more than they need to be.

I'm not trying to say flirting is evil or you should never do it, but I wouldn't go so far as to promote it. I think if you feel the need to flirt with other people, maybe it's your relationship that needs some work.

Agree? Think I'm uptight? Those thoughts and others are welcome for comments :]