Because it's my last finals week...without the finals part

This weekend, I made sure to bring all of the necessary notes with me so that I could work on my last real assignment of my college career (I hesitate to say "undergraduate", I keep going back and forth with that idea in my head). But of course, I didn't get any sh*t done. I guess I'll never learn I never learned - I can say that now! Haha. Anyways, this blog has been pretty stagnant as of late, but I don't really want to blame it on lack of time or being too busy with finals/graduation/that biz. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for an easier quarter to ride out the rest of my time here at UCI.

I guess I haven't blogged in a while because I honestly don't have anything to say. As I approach the end of a big chapter in my life, I wish I'd have real insightful things to say, but actually I'm feeling a little numb right now. I think all of the anxiety/relief/happiness/sadness just cancels each other out and I'm left just feeling a little blank. I don't want to put too much out there right now until I can actually articulate my thoughts. I don't want to look back to read this and go "I freaking graduated, and that's all I had to say?" Hah.

Even though I'm sort of in this "whatever" mode at the moment, one thing's for sure; everytime I just think about a job search and just trying to get my foot out there during these times, my face starts to get hot and I almost have a panic attack out of nowhere. Not very characteristic of me. But I can't keep myself from freaking out. I don't want to end up one of those grads that search high and low, 12+ hours a day looking for a job, only to realize 6 months have passed so then you resort to going back to working at the mall or Starbucks. Not that I have anything against honest people making a living that way, but I didn't suffer through Organic Chemistry and Micriobiology for nothing damnit. Sucks to be so worrisome when I'm supposed to be celebrating. But that's life, just gotta deal.

Maybe I should just take the advice of every adult that's talked to me about graduation - "Maybe you should take a break first. This is probably the last real vacation you'll have" :/

Looking back

I didn't even realize it, but I've been blogging on here for a little over a year now. I'm glad I've been able to stick to one place to just let it all out for this long, it's always fun to just look back - from what was going on about a year ago, or even my changes in writing style. That reminds me, I cringe every time I give in to the temptation to look back at my old Xanga. Oh, the embarrassment.

For the fourth time now, I've made it through fall quarter here at UCI. As much as studying sucks during 10th and finals weeks - or more accurately, trying to - I got this calming feeling a couple nights ago just walking through campus after one of my review sessions. Seeing everyone bonding together in their pajamas inside Starbucks, conversing about finals material and non-school related topics, the textbooks and notebooks intermingled with the empty coffee cups and snack boxes, how every student seems to be going through the same thing at this time...I don't know. For some (cheesy) reason, it made me think about how little time I have left here at UCI and how much I will miss it, from the good times to the academic rock bottoms, the sleepless nights due to late night bonding to those in which procrastination takes the credit.

I know I have a lot of planning to do for the future still, but for now I'm going to curl up in my spot at the 198 couch and soak "it" all in, whatever it may be.

Seems so long ago but nothing's changed :]