Puppy Love

Usually during my lunch break at work I don't have much to do except check my e-mail/myspace for 5 minutes, then for the other 40 minutes read mindless yet entertaining stories on ONTD. One of the entries I remember from last week was about Miley Cyrus (I speak of her on this blog way too much) and confessions about her first "real love(?)".

On how they got together: "We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met...He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, 'I think you're beautiful and I really like you.' And I was like, 'Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.'"

On the ups and downs: "Nick and I loved each other...We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn't fun."

On the heartbreak: "At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights – and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now – I don't want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I've got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am."

I couldn't help but LOL as I read this from start to finish, and I really hate the fact that I'm using a Hannah Montana personal life story to segue into my topic for today, but it totally just reminded me of how freaking serious pre-teen/middle school crushes seemed to be back in the day. Like, deathly serious for some people. I might be laughing now at what Miley and the typical 14-year old has to say about being in love, but I didn't have anything more meaningful to say back then either.

One particular event I remember is from 4th or 5th grade during a game of dodgeball at recess. The boy I had a crush on at the time was playing with us, and my friends decided to take it upon themselves to make my feelings for him a little obvious. I don't exactly remember what was said, but back then I was super sensitive about boys and just having them knowing whether I liked them or not - all I remember was my face turning really hot and everyone laughing at me, including him! I'm sure it was nothing to them, but I was so mortified that I just ran to the bathroom and cried.

I was so mad at my friends that I wouldn't open the door when they were trying to talk to me from outside the stall, so they had to crawl under to finally get to me. I didn't let my tantrum die down until the bell rang and I cooled off back in my seat (giving my friends the cold shoulder of course), but that whole dodgeball debacle was pretty much forgotten within days. I ended up being good friends with that particular boy and looking back, the only thing I wish I could have changed was the way I embarrassed myself. Oh the good ol' days.

Then there was my first boyfriend, Boy #1, in middle school. I liked him pretty much throughout all of 6th grade since he was in most of my classes. When 7th grade started, I was still crushing on him, but he moved towards the middle of my "list" and I actually started liking one of his friends, Boy #2. Boy #2 and I pretty much became best friends that year, which meant we would talk everyday after school and he would tell me his girl situations then ask for my advice - story of my life until sophomore year.

Anyways, towards the end of 7th grade, I started hearing that Boy #1 actually started taking notice of me. Of course, I did the most logical thing (yeah right) and started crushing hard again on Boy #1 only because I heard he liked me, and pretty much ignored my feelings for Boy #2. The next most logical thing to do of course was for Boy #1 to ask me out to be his girlfriend the day before school ended. There were a lot of reasons why that situation only lasted a month - couldn't drive yet, didn't live close enough to walk, didn't have the same circle of friends, strict parentals - and I was devastated for the rest of the summer. The most embarrassing thing is crying over him even before we broke up when he told me he was moving away the next year. All I had at the time was my pillow to cry on and Monica's "Angel of Mine" on repeat, how pathetic.

So that was part of my love-life story before high school. Anyone else care to share?

P.S. I LOVE THE OLYMPICS! I didn't do much this weekend but this totally made up for it.

Sometimes All You Need...

is a good hard cry and a chance to spill your heart out. At least I did.

I feel better.

Our Generation at its Best

"You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?"

—Brooke Hogan, when asked who she's voting for by a potential roommate on her series Brooke Knows Best.

Ahh, another young female verbally actuating her own oppression. Excuse me while I powder my nose, put on my apron and carry on my housework. How dare I step out of the kitchen?!

Whatever, I probably shouldn't expect messages about female empowerment and equality from someone who thinks this is what sexy looks like:

Fellas, Answer Me This

So I was talking to one of my girl friends about guys that aren't afraid to use a little dinero to catch a girl's attention. Even though my friend consistently turns down his advances and makes it fully obvious that she's not into him, the offers keep coming - and I'm talking not just talking about the occasional dinner here and there, I mean gym memberships, theme park tickets, no joke.

But let's take the most simple and common example - you're at the bar and a guy offers to buy you a drink. If accepted, does the guy automatically think that the female is interested? It's hard for me to tell, since this is a pretty common occurrence in any given bar or club anyways. Since the very first time I've been offered, not once have I accepted, usually saying something just like "No thank you" or "It's cool, I've got it covered already" - I just don't want to lead the guy on at all even just a little bit and I've always thought that taking that drink would seem like I owe him something, even if it's just a 5 minute obligatory conversation. If I do sense that situation coming up, I'll usually go out of my way to escape it somehow just to avoid the awkward exchange.

Then at other times, I just feel like "Eh fuck it, it's just a drink and nothing more...right?". Cuz I mean damn, if it's a free drink and just a way for a guy to tell you he thinks you're cute, why not? I've even worn my ring on the wrong finger (hence been asked if I'm married) but that doesn't function as much of a deterrent. I guess the dilemma here is whether or not accepting the offer when you already know there's no way this guy is getting with you is either a shady move or not a big deal at all. The point of this post for me is more for trying to understand a guy's POV for these situations rather than trying to justify scoring free drinks from random dudes, even if it will work in my favor haha. But really, I'm not trying to get Raf mad or anything, shit.

So boys - thoughts? I feel like I overthink things too much...

5 Messages

For 5 random people in my life right now. I'm keeping them anonymous, I just have stuff in my mind.

-Although you're closer to one of my family members than me, I look at you as one of my siblings. If you ever need someone for guidance or even someone to talk to, about anything, just let me know. It seems like things have been hard for you lately, although you don't let it show, but I just want you to know that I'm willing to listen.

-No matter how long I don't get to see or spend time with you (which can be up to months), you are one of the people that I know I can just let loose and be myself with, whether it's "Fun" Kristine or "Boring" Kristine, you don't give a shit. I just want to thank you because you are one of the only people to bring out the crazier sides of me that no one really sees but at the same time accepts me for who I am 110%.

-I miss you, and I haven't even been able to get an update from you in quite some time. I honestly miss just spending time with you because it's always a guaranteed good mixture of laughs and heart-to-hearts. So many of my most memorable high school experiences were shared with you, it would just be a shame to lose touch now.

-What can I say, you probably know me better than I know myself at times. Even at my worst you make me feel fresh, and dope, and all these things that I wish I could live up to 24/7 haha. I know you can be hard on yourself sometimes, but just because I don't say it all the time does not mean I don't think you are - simply put - an amazing person. One of the best things about you is that you keep me on my toes and always thinking and challenging myself. More than anything, you are my best friend.

-I just remember thinking "I don't think I'm ever going to get along with this person" and what do you know, you turned out to be one of the coolest people I know - no number of superlatives could even attempt to explain your awesomeness. I'm extremely proud of you, you have gone above and beyond my expectations of what you would accomplish at this phase in your life, and you're not even close to being done! You have huge things ahead of you, and I know it may not seem like it at times, but I look up to you more than you know.

Lessons Learned

I was so excited to finally hit good ol' summer once I finished finals, and for the most part, I was just happy to get some down time without having to think about studying for my next quiz or what I'm going to write about for my next paper. To be honest, I was just soo over school and wanted to give my brain a rest. But surprisingly, with so much time in my hands at the apartment, driving to and fro SD/Irvine, or even sitting at my desk at work for 7 hours everyday, I've just been thinking away 24/7 about life in general. I've been able to nitpick and analyze so many issues that I couldn't really wrap my brain around while trying to juggle school and work, and right now I feel like things are so much clearer to me than ever before. Who knew I would be able to learn so much this summer season? You won't believe all the little things that you realize when the time seems to pass slower and the days are longer.

First of all, I've realized that definitely not the same person I was a couple years ago, more beliefs/perspectives-wise than anything else. Even reading back to my xanga from 2 years ago seems completely foreign to me. I've really changed my outlooks on various aspects of life, from relationships, true friends, my future, priorities, ideals, and almost everything else under the sun. I think I've adopted a more "It is what it is" motto for life at the moment, going from a somewhat naive way of thinking to a more realistic one; life will throw you some serious curveballs (as I've learned myself as well as talking to some good friends this past month) and sometimes there's really nothing you can do about it except to make the best of it. I see now that some things you perceived as perfect before can come crashing down any second and that some things don't last forever, no matter how much you feel it should be otherwise. I don't want it to sound like I'm more accepting of those downs you experience in life or like I'm not as hopeful, because honestly I think it has only made me more appreciative of the "now", with me making more of an effort to not take anything for granted. I'm trying to avoid not knowing what I've got until it's gone.

Although I make the drive from Irvine to San Diego weekly, my most recent trip kind of solidified this new perspective. Two summers ago, I got into this bad car accident on the 5 after I did a 360 on the freeway and finally hit a side of a hill on the right side of the road. This time, I really paid attention to the area where it happened (right before the Manchester exit) and noticed that not even 50 meters before that was a view point - only 2 flimsy fences separate you from the fall off the freeway, and if I had spun out a few seconds before I did, who knows what the outcome would have been... The point I'm trying to get to is that I always used to think of "what ifs" in my life whenever I would feel empty at times or wished for something more. Now when those cross my mind, I try to focus on all the blessings in my life and realize how lucky I am just to be right here, right now. I'm not trying to make this post seem self-serving, but these are just some thoughts in my head that I want to put out there while they're still clear.

A little off topic but something that really makes my day is when the things I post about are actually relevant to life! Haha. Lately I've been having conversations with people or events happen and I would just think "Wow I blogged about that" or "Hmm must have read my post" lol - it's nice to know that the things that go through my head aren't so pointless after all (Soulmates, shmoulmates or They Say You Want a Revolution are 2 posts that come to mind, particularly the balance issue mentioned in the latter).

Even though I haven't done anything that exciting yet this summer, it's been great for me so far. Hopefully by the end of September I'll have more answers to life's questions, or better yet have more questions to challenge myself with.

One more month until Summer Olympics...

which means one more month until -

Oh yes. He only looks good when he's in his element to be honest, but WOW.

More interesting post coming soon.